Our beloved Father

Please come down and meet us

We are waiting on Your touch

Open up the heavens

Shower down Your presence

We respond to Your great love

We won’t be satisfied

With anything ordinary

We won’t be satisfied at all

Open up the sky

Fall down the like rain

We don’t want blessings

We want You

Fall down like fire

We don’t want anything but You

Our beloved Jesus

We just want to see You

In the glory of Your light

Earthly things don’t matter

They just fade and shatter

When we’re touched by Love Divine

Here we go, let’s go to the Throne

The place that we belong

Right into His arms

I first heard this song in February of 2009. Right away, from the first chorus, it rang true with my heart. I was in the midst of a difficult, dark season. The Lord had stripped from me some things, activities, positions that I had thought were essential to my very being. As in every move He makes, He was very right and I was very wrong. He took those things from me in order to force me - it was a tender and loving force, but it was, most certainly, forceable - to force me to find my identity in Him rather than the things I did.

Ouch.

“We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary, we won’t be satisfied at all.”

The very first time I read those lyrics I understood why I was willingly walking through that time with the Lord, instead of pushing through life as it had been. I don’t want life. I want LIFE - life abundant, life adventurous, life loud and life joyful. And, even if I didn’t understand what was going on at the time, I trusted the God who promised me these things.

That said, the Lord blessed my struggling, bumbling faithfulness to follow and let go of the things I loved - the things I had previously thought identified me - and returned them in ways I can’t even express. God is good, my friends, He is good.

As 2009 came to a close, I knew deep down that 2010 was going to be a big year for me and the Lord. Bigger even, if it was possible, than the early months of 2009. This fact was clear to me in the part of my heart that I now know is where the Lord speaks to me, then it was just a settled truth in my spirit. And I knew it with more resolution every time I sang this song.

Now, for as much as I knew that things were going to change in 2010, that the Lord would be new and real to me, I could never have expected it to happen so quickly or so profoundly. It’s only March, and the beginning of March at that. But, already, I know that my relationship with the Lord will never be what it was - there’s no going back.

You see, this year I have embarked on a journey of prayer that I merely flirted with last summer - a journey of prayer, communion and community with the Lord that can’t be adequately explained without personal experience.

Listening prayer is just that - asking the Lord and...are you ready for this? - actually listening for the answer.

Whoa.

Earth-shattering, I know.

God speaks, my friends. He does. He speaks to us each in different ways. For me, it’s in pictures. I see things - I hesitate to call them visions, but pictures. Even if the Lord is just giving me a word, which He often does for me, I see it in some sort of calligraphy. And, I love it.

I love how so often, when I inquire of the Lord, He so very quickly answers me...almost as if He’s actually eager to talk to me. Oh, but wait, He is! (Proverbs 1:23) Why - why!? - was I never taught this before? Most times, He is answering before I can even get the question out. It both calms and excites my heart to know that He is waiting...no...longing for me to be quiet and still enough for Him to answer.

Listening prayer is every bit as simple as it is complex. There is beauty in the expression and peace in the revelation. God is good - He loves - and He gives what we need and what we can handle in the moment and never yet have I discovered something I had expected.

Freedom. Power. Beauty. Art. Boldness. Truth. All things I’ve found in listening prayer. Not things I’ve received or been given. I already had them. And, the Lord has so graciously and gently shown me that they were already there, I just needed to access them, live in them, walk in them. All of these have changed the way I think, the way I speak and, most amazingly, the way I pray.

“Here we go, let’s go to the throne, the place where we belong, right into His arms.”

Prayer now, for me, isn’t just an act of attempting to defy gravity. I’m not tossing my concerns up to the sky and hoping they break through the atmosphere and make it to the ear of the Lord. No. Now, I walk into the throne room of the King of Kings, crawl in His lap and have a chat with my Dad. Because I’ve heard Him answer, I know that He cares for the concerns of my heart. He wants to hear, and He longs to answer.

.”Our beloved Jesus, we just want to see You, in the glory of Your light.”

I heard this song today for the first time in a while. It has become my anthem for 2010, and I do think of it often, but I hadn’t listened to it in it’s entirety for a few weeks. It serves as such a sweet reminder of where I was a year ago and where the Lord has brought me since. I’ve learned obedience and patience. I’ve learned to sit and to listen. To really listen. To listen to what He says to me and about me - not just to what I want to hear or think He says.

In learning to sit and to listen I’ve learned that He loves ME. That He loves me for me - for who I am and who He created me to be. I’ve learned that, if I am willing to sit and listen and act on what I hear, that I will become more of who He created me to be than I ever have been - or ever will be by fighting and pushing on my own.

This lesson of listening and knowing and curling up in His lap, this will go with me forever. This isn’t one of those lessons that I learn and remember for a while and then need to be reminded of again and again. No, this one is resolute. The more I hear from Him, the more I long to hear from Him. The more I hear His voice, the more excited I am for the next time I can sit and listen.

He speaks, my friends. He speaks. Just listen. You’ll be blown away. And, I assure you, you won’t find anything ordinary.

It's Been a While, But...

Yes, it's been, like, 6 months since I've blogged...hey, I've been busy...cut me some slack! :)

For all 2 people who actually look at my blog, this might make up for my extended absence:

http://mckgiveaways.blogspot.com/2009/12/hp-touchsmart-giveaway.html

Go there. And then, enter to win a TOUCH SCREEN COMPUTER.

On second thought, just go there...don't actually enter...that'll reduce my chances to win. Although, since only 2 people read this, I don't know that 2 more entries will hurt my chances THAT much.

:)

We All Have Our Hamans to Bear

Here's the setting: Ancient Persia. The Jews had been taken captive, removed from their homes and carried, in exile, to Babylon. We're talking Daniel and his buddies. Eventually, Cyrus (a Medo-Persian king) conquers Babylon and issues a decree allowing the Jews to return home to Jerusalem and rebuild their temple. I'm not exactly sure the measurement of time, but at this point, the Jews had been in Persia long enough that some were comfortable enough to not take Cyrus up on his offer to return home, choosing instead to stay in Persia. Several decades later...long enough that the Jews have so assimilated into the Persian culture that nobody even knows Esther is Jewish. The people of God were no longer living a set-apart life.

So, here we are. In Persia, decades after Cyrus allowed the Jews to return to Jerusalem. Xerxes has been humiliated several times over, not only on the battlefield, but in his own home. Vashti has been banished (probably, ultimately, to her own benefit) and Esther has been chosen as her replacement.

Esther's beloved cousin, Mordecai, who really acted more as a father, paces the city gates daily to ensure her safety. He saves the king's life by reporting a murder threat and, in turn, is required to bow to the son of a family that has been an enemy to his own family for generations. Think Hatfields and McCoys. Mordecai refuses to bow to Haman, or to pay him honor. I find it interesting that, in hindsight, already knowing how the Lord will work this story out, that I just assume his refusal to bow is similar to that of Daniel and his pals, that he will not bow before anyone but the Lord. Without actually researching this point, I have to say it appears that isn't really the case. Mordecai has raised Esther from (apparently) a very young age. If he is such a devout Jew that he would bow to no one but the Lord, wouldn't he have raised Esther to be a more devout Jew? Or, at the very least, Jewish enough that people in their community, the other girls she was in the harem with would know of her heritage? It looks like his refusal to bow is based not in commitment to the Lord, but old family grudges...all be they understandable grudges.

So, as a result of Mordecai's refusal, Haman takes the opportunity to wipe out the Jewish presence from the Persian empire. The edict goes forth from Haman to destroy anyone or anything of Jewish decent on the very day the Jews would celebrate Passover and remember what had been, up to that point, the most blatant portrayal of oppression, deliverance and redemption.

A quick recap: the Jews were living in a land that wasn't their own; a place they didn't belong. Persia was not where God had intended for them to live. He sent them there to get their attention. They had been provided a means of escape. Cyrus had let them go...they could have gone home, back to the place the Lord had promised them from the days early on. And, they chose not to go. And, as a result, they now faced a mortal enemy and certain death.

So, let's import this circumstance to our own time. We, as believers, live in a land that isn't our own, a place where we don't belong. This world is not what God intended for us. It is not what He created us for. He created us for a place so much better...and place of uninhibited relationship, communion and worship with and of Himself. And we face an enemy that is entirely impossible for us to overcome or defeat without the intervention of God. We face an enemy who is trying, desperately, to kill us, to wipe our presence from the face of the earth. This enemy knows he can't win...that he has already lost.

Unfortunately, we're the ones who remain unconvinced of that truth.

God has worked miracles in our past...both corporately and personally, not the least of which (can you even qualify a miracle as 'greatest' or 'least'???) is our own salvation. I can look at my own past, my own life, and see the miracles, but they're mine. Look for your own. If the Lord worked those, will He not work others? He doesn't run out. He doesn't have a limit to the number of cancer patients He can heal before that element of His power is gone. He can't only save so many families and businesses from bankruptcy before the money runs out. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills to keep us fed...and the hills the cattle stand on, as well.

And, His timing is perfection.

I think Beth Moore hit the nail on the head when she said that sometimes the Lord's timing in sending a new threat, a new Haman, serves to remind us of the ones He's delivered us from in the past. This is the exact reason I have a tattoo on my foot. (Click here for that story.) So, the next time a Haman shows up in our own lives, maybe our response shouldn't be 'Why now, Lord?' But, rather, 'Lord, help me remember Your faithfulness.' He's been faithful to provide, protect and rescue for the last, oh, six thousand years or so...He's not going to forget us tomorrow.

A True Conversation

My friend: I like your belt.

Me: Thanks. I got in the Caribbean in January.

Her: Cool...and your necklace is beautiful...

Me: Oh, thank you...it was a gift when I was in Lebanon last month.

At this point we looked at each other and laughed at how ridiculous this conversation was.

Her: And, your earrings?

Me: Oh, those are from Kohls...50% off!

I love my life.

Yah...it's a long one...

Whoa...I think I just had my world blown open a little bit.

Whoa.

I’ve been talking about my past a lot lately, with a couple different people...just sharing. And, when one talks about his or her life, he or she tends to think about his or her life as well. (Now, I know it’s grammatically correct to do all the he/she, his/her stuff...but that takes to long...let’s face it...I’m talking about me.)

I tend to be very competitive. I don’t like to lose. At anything. Even just life challenges...I don’t want to be beat. When I run, as I run that last 1/8th of a mile and I feel like my chest might explode or my legs completely give out, what I am telling myself, sometimes audibly, is “don’t let this 8th beat you...push it out...you can beat this.” Often, in life challenges and hard times, I look at what I’m facing and make the choice to trust God, to find joy and to continue walking. For me, one of Buddy’s most powerful sermons was when he said that faith and fear are the same emotion, we just make the choice.

All of that said, looking back at my life, I wouldn’t change any of it. I’m thankful for it...even the really hard, crappy parts when my life pretty much fell apart. Why? Because I know, I know...beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this is the story God wrote for me. And, if He wrote it, He has a purpose for it. And just recently (like, this past week) I’ve come to realize that, because of this knowledge, I would rather walk through the hard stuff...earn that faith, than have an easier life. Seriously. Because with all of that comes the knowledge that the Lord is using me. That He has chosen me for a situation that can bring Him glory. And that presents a challenge to me...will I choose the faith to bring Him glory, or will I choose the fear that could make someone question the size of my God? I surely don’t want to lose in that competition!

Yeah...this is gonna’ be long...

So, in the midst of all of this self-discovery or whatever you want to call it, I’ve started Beth Moore’s Esther study. No lie, Day 1 of Week 1...mind blown. She makes the comment that the book of Esther begins with the phrase “This is what happened...” Biblically speaking, this is a rather rare statement; it is the equivalent of a biblical “Once upon a time...”

The Hebrew for “this is what happened,” wayhi bime appears five times in the Bible. All five times they lead into a story of catastrophe and doom. (I can’t find a list of the five, but I’m pretty sure Beth is right.)

But...

But, each of those five stories end happily, after much grief. I’m sure Job is one of those five. Everyone knows the terror of his life...but keep in mind the ending. The Lord blessed the second part of Job’s life more than the first. He had children in numbers equal to the ones he lost and livestock double what he’d originally had. But, not until after the hard-fought battle.

Beth wraps up the day’s study with this quote: “When we trust our lives to the hand and pen of an unseen but ever-present God, He will write our lives into His story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read.”

I feel like that’s the life I’ve been living...a lot of it without even realizing it.

That’s certainly the life I want to live.

Good Heavens...this is, literally, just the first day. It’s gonna’ be a good study.

Shiloh, Elkanah, Hannah and Efrain

This:



is my tattoo...not that anyone really asked...but I figured now is just as good a time as any to explain what it means.

Sorry it's such a terrible picture.

It's on the inside of my left ankle.

Here's the thing...I know there are plenty of people who don't like tattoos, find them evil or dirty or sinful or whatever. Clearly, I am not one of those people.

Let me first explain why I got a tattoo. I didn't it just because I wanted to, or because my friends all have them...quite the contrary, actually. My tattoo is, for me, a reminder of God's faithfulness and His promises. I didn't want a tattoo, so this is what I got. I wanted to remember the Lord's faithfulness and His promises and this is how I chose to do that.

Now, on to what it means...

The big shape is the outline of Peru. I've been there three times since December of 2003 and every time, the Lord has done big things for me. The second time (April 2005), He made me a promise. That if South America (meaning, a life there) is what I want, I needed to wait. Just wait. That I wasn't ready...I needed to trust Him and wait.

A lot has happened since then.

Ok, that's the shape.

The lettering to the right is the Hebrew word for Shiloh...specifically, for Shiloh, the place mentioned in 1 Samuel 1. Basically, Shiloh is where the Lord took Hannah when He promised her what her heart most desired. Later, she received the answer to that promise in Ramah.

Peru is my Shiloh. It was where the Lord took promised me what my heart most desires. Prayerfully, Ecuador is my Ramah.

And, just to make the whole thing a little cooler, some extra info about the word Shiloh...
-'Shiloh' as a name means 'His Gift.' Clearly, Peru was a gift for me.
-Hannah's husband, Elkanah, was from the tribe of Ephraim. For me, there are two cool things about this: 1.) Efrain (the Spanish form of Ephraim) is the son of my closest friend in Ecuador. And 2.) Ephraim, as in the son of Jacob and the tribe of Israel, means 'the Lord has made me fruitful in my barrenness.' The Lord most definitely took me to Peru in a time of barrenness.

And, so, that is the story of my tattoo...and why I love it.

Red and Yellow, Black and White

"Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you,
I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life."
Isaiah 43:4

This is how I know God loves us:






Color.

I was struck by this once in Peru about five years ago...and it changed the way I viewed a lot of things. God could have created this world in one color. Everything could be just blah. It could all be beige. Or olive green. Olive green was always the least used color in my Crayola box. I always hated olive green.

He could have.

But He didn’t.

Instead He gave us color. Stunning, breathtaking, awe-inspiring color. As I write this, i am sitting outside, looking over the Caribbean Ocean. It is a blue words couldn’t even begin to describe and the sun reflects off it’s surface in a million sparkles. The sky is currently several ridiculous shades of blue and white. Off to my left is the southern end of the island painted in limitless shades of green from the jungly mountaintops to the grassy rolling hills. Just beyond the end of this island is the mass of rock that is Nevis, the next island. Usually, it’s hidden under cloud cover and you can’t see much from here...but today is clear. The part of Nevis visible from here is a large mountain covered in a beautiful deep emerald green...much prettier than olive green.

Yesterday we spent hours out on the boat, out in a cove. I think I love that cove because of the range of creation you can see there. Sit on the boat and look out toward the horizon and see forever blue ocean. There aren’t many waves here...it’s smooth as far as you can see. Turn around and look toward land and see, down where the water meets the land, huge rocks and a high, rocky cliff. Even the rocks here are pretty...so many variations of grays and whites and silvers...and the shapes on the cliff. They look like God, Himself, stretched out His hand and carved them with His own finger. Look up higher on the cliff, though, and the vegetation begins and you find a whole new world of greens.

But, then, my favorite part...put on your mask and snorkle and look down. If you just kind of float on the top and breath...don’t splash too much...it’s like they forget you’re there and they all come out. The fish. They are unbelievable. Too many colors and variations on colors to even begin to describe.

This underwater world isn’t a world we were meant to live in...and yet He put those colors there for us to find. Just to say, ‘Hey, I put this here just for you to enjoy. Look at these and know how much I love you.’

Everything could be tan and khaki and blah...but it isn’t. Color is a gift from God above to remind us how very much He loves us. He doesn’t need these things to be so many incredible colors. They aren’t necessary for Him to accomplish His tasks. They are there because He loves us, because we are precious in His sight.

I think the people in our lives are colors, too.

The people who bring joy and laughter to our lives...they are our pinks and reds and bright blues. They are the Caribbean Oceans in our daily lives.

And your earth tones: solid, deep oranges and greens...like the top of Nevis right now. They are the relationships of stability and longevity. The ones who never move, who are always right where you need them to be.

Life without the silvers and grays of the cliff would be so difficult. They are the relationships that bring highlights to the dark, sorrowful moments of our lives.

Yellows, like the sun that beats on me right now, the treasured ones who bring a reminder that tomorrow is a new day. That the sun will rise and you can begin again.

A few relationships have been such key factors in the way God has chosen to reveal Himself and His love for me. Without even thinking, I can list people who are each of these colors to me...without them, my life would be painted in plain tans and khakis.

I am so thankful for the Lord’s love and the so very many ways He reveals that to us!