Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Ecuador 2006 - Part V

Walking out of the airport and being, again, in South America, I was overcome with an incomprehensible sense of…rightness. I didn’t understand it at the time, and I don’t now. It just felt right to be there, back in South America. It felt like everything in my life was right; it may not all have been good at that moment, but being there was right and was, in no way, running away from my problems at home. I’m still not really sure why, but I started to cry then. And I pretty much didn’t stop until we got to the guesthouse.

Because I didn’t really understand why I was crying, I spent most of that bus ride either with my head down or looking out the window in an effort to not make eye contact with anyone. While trying to calm myself, I had my head on my bag, which was again bringing me security while sitting in my lap. Ava, who was sitting on the seat next to me, put her hand on my shoulder. When I looked up, she said, with tears in her eyes, “I am so glad I’m here for your first time.” We both cried then. Perhaps that touched me in such a way because it resonated so deeply with how I felt about the fact that she was sitting next to me on a bus in Ecuador. Perhaps it was simply because it meant enough to her to show me the place she loved to bring her to tears. I don’t know, but that simple statement reached my heart.

When we arrived at the HCJB guesthouse a short time later, we met as a team in one of the common areas and Dan Koenig, the missionary we were there to work with, went over the logistics of the week and a tentative schedule. The operative word in his statement was ‘tentative.’ Danny had been telling us for weeks that in order for this trip to be successful, we needed to remain fluid and flexible. Dan, in words pleasant but definitive, reiterated everything Danny had said leading up to the trip.

One of the reasons it was so easy for me to agree to be a part of this trip to Ecuador was the high regard in which Dan and Jen Koenig are held by the Bentleys. This was not, however, the first time I had met the Koenig’s. Our first meeting was, for me, so traumatic that I debated whether or not I should remind them of the encounter. Allow me to explain. Last summer, a family came into the store by which I am employed. At the time, I was sitting on the floor, not far from the registers, putting together a display and from where I was sitting, I couldn’t quite see the face of the lady who was paying for her purchases. I could, however, hear the conversation between her and my coworker. The lady was saying how they are missionaries in Ecuador with HCJB. So, I stuck my head around the display and said, “Oh, do you know the Koenig’s?” Her reply was equal parts polite and nervous: “Uh, we are the Koenig’s.” My only defense was to blurt out, “I go to Grace. I know the Bentleys,” and to retreat behind my display. Yeah, I was pretty much humiliated.

I think it is a testament, though, to the acceptance and love that exude from both Dan and Jen that by the time we had unloaded the bus as the guesthouse, I was comfortable enough to admit to Jen that I was “that girl from the Christian bookstore.”

After being given Dan’s announcements and being told where to sleep, we settled into our rooms and met again, this time in the downstairs common area. We were seated, mostly, at small round tables with just enough room to be cozy and build a little team-togetherness but not so much so that we felt our personal space violated. Nate brought his guitar and began to play some worship songs.

Now, there are times when the Lord gives us a “moment” where He is more evident and more real to us than the sum of the rest of the moments of our lives. I had one of those moments that night.

Nate began to play that song by Third Day, “You Are So Good to Me.” We got to the part where the lyrics are

“You are so good to me / You heal my broken heart,”

And, maybe for the first time, I really contemplated those words. It was, at least, the first time I had considered those words in the context of the last year of my life. Fifteen months before that night, in March of 2005, I had pretty much given up any hope of what I would consider success in my life. It was too hard to fight for who I wanted to be and, although it hurt and felt as though I was being untrue to myself, it was so much easier to give in and make my greatest attempts to be who my parents thought I should be.

That April, I stood on the top of a mountain in Peru looking out over one of the deepest gorges in the world. On that mountaintop it was as though the Lord was saying to my heart

“Do you really want this? If you do, wait. Wait and let Me work in your life.”

In May, my world blew up. He tore my life apart and took away almost everything, almost everything, that was dear to me. He broke me. Three months later, one night in August, I found myself facedown on the floor, weeping, empty and broken and, for the first time, ready to learn how to forgive. That night began a period of time where the Lord rebuilt me and made me into a new person. And that first night in Ecuador, in that moment, I found myself again facedown and weeping. This time they were tears of joy and peace. That night, in that moment, He closed the circle. For the first time I really felt like all the hurt and ugliness of the past year, was over. For the first time I felt free.

That night, in that moment, a new phase of my life began. This was, and is, my time…my time to seek the Lord and find Him waiting and to walk in confidence and faith.

I wasn’t expecting my deeply emotional, encounter-with-the-living-God moment to occur so early in the trip. And I couldn’t wait to see what else He would do over the next week.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Ecuador 2006 - Part IV

After a layover in Miami that involved us walking what seemed like the entire airport…twice…we boarded another plane and took off, bound for Quito. This time, I had a middle seat near the back of the plane with Andy Hall to my left, by the window, and Kenny to my right. Butch and Lisa were behind me. Lisa asked a lot of questions about Spanish and how to say certain words and phrases. It was a challenge to my memory, and desired mastery, of the language.

At the end of the flight, as we were rushing to wait to get off the plane, I met the girl who had sat in front of me for the previous four or so hours. Her name was Rachel and she was on her way to Shell Mera to work at the hospital there for about forty days. Shell Mera was the base where Nate Saint and his family lived in the 1950s when he was an MAF pilot. It was from Shell Mera that Nate, Jim Elliot and three other men flew into the jungle to meet, and hopefully minister to, the Waorani Indians, who were known at that time as the Aucas. When the men landed in Waorani territory in 1957, they were brutally speared to death by the Indians they had come to serve. As a result of that incident and follow-up contact made by Nate’s sister, Rachel, and some of the men’s wives, many of the Waorani have come to know the Lord. The whole story is told in one of my favorite movies (and books), The End of the Spear. It was amazing to watch and read that story and then be so close to where it had all happened.

Rachel had a working knowledge of Spanish but was not altogether comfortable with her command of the language. For that reason and because she was traveling alone, we absorbed her as part of our group for the journey through customs. She had been told that she would be spending that night at the HCJB guesthouse in Quito. That was where we were staying that night so as we helped her find her contact at the airport, we hoped we would see her when we got the house.

Wherever she stayed that night, it wasn’t at the same HCJB guesthouse that we stayed in. I have thought of her often since then and wondered how her trip has gone. I hope all is well with her.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Gwyneth Rose Lawrenson

If you've prayed, at all, for Nathan, Tricia and Gwyneth...you need to watch this video. I promise you will be blessed.

Just a recap...Tricia is 26...she's had cystic fibrosis her whole life. In September, the day before she was to begin physical therapy on the road to a double lung transplant, she found out she was pregnant. In January, Baby Gwyneth was born 15+ weeks early. She's three months old now and has had no major complications (not really any minor ones). Tricia got her new lungs on April 3 (Nathan's birthday) and has had no complications since. She was discharged from the hospital 20 days later. Gwyneth was discharged this past Wednesday...they're ALL HOME!!! Sort of. They were in the hospital a few hours from their home, so they're "living" in a hotel suite in Durham.

You can read the whole story here: Nate's Blog. (At the top, on the right, is a link to "the whole story.")

Friday, May 16, 2008

This makes me laugh out loud...

Ecuador 2006 - Part III

The trip didn’t start well. Because we had to leave for the airport so early in the morning (we had to be at the church at 6:00am), we met the night before to drop off our luggage and pack some of the extra supplies we would need to take. When we arrived at the church that evening, we were given the news that one of our team-members, Mike, would not be able to go with us. That afternoon his wife had broken her knee jumping into a pool to get her young son.

I woke up June 2, 2006, the morning of our trip, with a sore throat, a low-grade fever and sinus congestion. That, combined with the early hour, made me a not very fun person to be around. One of the men’s Bible studies at Grace had arrived at the church that morning even earlier than us to prepare a pancake breakfast for the team and our families. It was a beautiful way to leave, having shared a meal with our team and our families being able to fellowship together.

It was an interesting scene to watch that morning. Gary sat with his wife and two youngest daughters, Allie and Lindsey. Gary and Allie would be going on the trip with us; Lindsey would leave for six weeks in Peru a couple days after our departure. I found it a beautiful commitment to the Lord’s will and ministry for Gary to travel with us rather than see his youngest daughter off.

In another corner, Beth cried as she said goodbye to Daniel. She, too, showed her commitment to the Lord in leaving her husband for ten days, and in leaving on their fifth anniversary.

Soon, we moved toward the bus to head to the airport. It meant the world to me that Kay Brown was there to see us off. I didn’t have any family there, so just to have a friend to hug and say goodbye to and to know there was someone there praying for us was such an encouragement. Outside the bus, Scotty said goodbye to his wife and son. As he hugged Kyle, Scotty reminded him that in going on this trip he was doing what the Lord wanted him to do.

We climbed on the bus and I sat with Kara, my prayer partner in front of Ava and Lana. Throughout the bus there was an air of excitement and wonder mixed with an element of nervous tension. Leaving the country, leaving families and businesses, was a new adventure for most of the team. My carry-on bag for the trip was huge and took up more space on the seat than I should have allowed when I held it on my lap. I think maybe, in some way, there was some security tucked inside next to my Bible and journal.

During the bus ride, Danny passed out an information pack to everyone on the team. As Danny explained the contents, each team member looked over a list of words in English and Spanish that we would be teaching to the children in Ecuador. The last item we discussed was a sheet that split our team into five potential small groups in case we were able to separate with the teenage students into discussion groups. The magic number five came from the number of translators available: Lana, Nate, Dan, Jonhattan and me. That was the moment I became nervous.

It had been over a year since I had been in a Spanish class and just as long since I had attempted to communicate in the language. I love the Spanish language; it represents for me the people group the Lord has called me to minister to. But it had been a long time since I had used my knowledge of the language regularly and the responsibility of facilitating and translating a group discussion, in truth, terrified me. In front of the group, Danny asked if I could handle that. I answered with a yes, and promptly began praying.

We arrived at the airport, unloaded our baggage and then passed through check-in without incident. We arrived at our gate, number nine in the American Airlines terminal, and settled in. Now, settling in is quite a feat when you consider that we were a group of 26. Nevertheless we settled in, just in time for our gate to be changed to the next one down, number ten. So we moved and again, settled in. At Gate Ten, we split up. Ava, Beth and I walked down to the Starbucks, got our supply—the last good cup of coffee any of us would have before we returned to Georgia—and made our way back to the gate. We got back just in time to move again. They changed us back to gate nine. By the time we got there, again, there wasn’t time to even attempt to settle 26 people in. We stood as a group, for just a few minutes, until our flight boarded.

My large bag and I made our way down the aisle, doing our best not to injure anyone already sitting, and found my seat near the back of the plane. My seat was on the right side of the plane, on the aisle. Todd sat to my right, in the middle seat, and Andy Hall was across the aisle from me. I was excited because I knew neither of these men and was eager to get to know the people on my team.

The flight to Miami passed without event. I journaled some, talked with Todd and Andy and laughed at Nate who had fallen asleep before the plane even began moving. In my journal, I wrote about church the Sunday before we left. We had sung the song, ‘You Said,’ which always makes me cry. I plead with the Lord that morning for Him to allow me to see Ecuador turned over to Him and lives commissioned to His service. As I sat on the plane that morning, I believed, confidently, that He would honor that request. I knew it not just because I know it is His desire that none should perish but because in my heart I had a peace that the Lord would give me Ecuador and hearts there to pursue for Him.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

One down...99 to go

So, in this post I mentioned reading through this list of Great Novels.

An ambitious goal.

1. Remembrance of Things Past Marcel Proust
2. The Brothers Karamozov Fyodor Dostoevsky
3. The Magic Mountain Thomas Mann
4. The Ambassadors Henry James
5. Don Quixote Miguel de Cervantes
6. Moby Dick Herman Melville
7. Absalom, Absalom! Wililam Faulkner
8. War and Peace Leo Tolstoy
9. Tom Jones Henry Fielding
10. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn Mark Twain
11. One Hundred Years of Solitude Gabriel Garcia Marquez
12. The Wings of the Dove Henry James
13. Crime and Punishment Fyodor Dostoevsky
14. Great Expectations Charles Dickens
15. Les Miserables Victor Hugo
16. Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
17. The Idiot Fyodor Dostoevsky
18. The Sun Also Rises Ernest Hemingway
19. The Sleepwalkers Hermann Broch
20. The Trial Franz Kafka
21. Ulysses James Joyce
22. Madame Bovary Gustave Flaubert
23. The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald
24. The Sound and the Fury William Faulkner
25. Middlemarch George Eliot
26. Invisible Man Ralph Ellison
27. The Golden Bowl Henry James
28. The Red and the Black Stendhal
29. The Portrait of a Lady Henry James
30. Anna Karenina Leo Tolstoy
31. Heart of Darkness Joseph Conrad
32. To the Lighthouse Virginia Woolf
33. Vanity Fair William Thackeray
34. Fathers and Sons Ivan Turgenev
35. Pale Fire Vladimir Nabokov
36. The Adventures of Augie March Saul Bellow
37. Bleak House Charles Dickens
38. Atonement Ian McEwan
39. Silas Marner George Eliot
40. The Gambler Fyodor Dostoevsky
41. Le Pere Goriot Honore de Balzac
42. The Grapes of Wrath John Steinbeck
43. The Catcher in the Rye J.D. Salinger
44. Emma Jane Austen
45. Jane Eyre Charlotte Bronte
46. Wuthering Heights Emily Bronte
47. Nostromo Joseph Conrad
48. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Ken Kesey
49. In Cold Blood Truman Capote
50. The American Henry James
51. Oliver Twist Charles Dickens
52. Miss Lonelyhearts Nathanael West
53. The French Lieutenant's Woman John Fowles
54. The Corrections Jonathan Franzen
55. Tristam Shandy Laurence Sterne
56. The Day of the Locust Nathanael West
57. Of Mice and Men John Steinbeck
58. Lord Jim Joseph Conrad
59. 1984 George Orwell
60. The Narrative of Arthur Gordom Pym of Nantucket Edgar Allen Poe
61. Brideshead Revisited Evelyn Waugh
62. The Charterhouse of Parma Stendhal
63. Death Comes for the Archbishop Willa Cather
64. Animal Farm George Orwell
65. The Last of the Mohicans James Fenimore Cooper
66. The Power and the Glory Graham Greene
67. Lucky Jim Kingsley Amis
68. The Big Sleep Raymond Chandler
69. The Lord of the Flies William Golding
70. The Hound of Baskervilles Arthur Conan Doyle
71. On the Road Jack Kerouac
72. Kim Rudyard Kipling
73. Tess of the d'Urbervilles Thomas Hardy
74. A Tale of Two Cities Charles Dickens
75. American Pastoral Philip Roth
76. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress Robert Heinlein
77. Frankenstein Mary Shelley
78. The Fortress of Solitude Jonathan Lethem
79. Riders of the Purple Sage Zane Grey
80. Neuromancer William Gibson
81. Money Martin Amis
82. The Scarlet Letter Nathaniel Hawthorne
83. The Murder of Roger Ackroyd Agatha Christie
84. As I Lay Dying William Fuulkner
85. Daisy Miller Henry James
86. The Return of the Native Thomas Hardy
87. The Black Swan Thomas Mann
88. For Whom the Bell Tolls Ernest Hemingway
89. The Possessed Fyodor Dostoevsky
90. The Death of Ivan Ilych Leo Tolstoy
91. Buddenbrooks Thomas Mann
92. The Kreutzer Sonata Leo Tolstoy
93. Mrs. Dalloway Virginia Woolf
94. David Copperfield Charles Dickens
95. The Spoils of Poynton Henry James
96. A Bend in the River V.S. Naipaul
97. Dune Frank Herbert
98. Jude the Obscure Thomas Hardy
99. Valis Philip K. Dick
100. Gravity's Rainbow Thomas Pynchon
**Books I've completed are bold.

So, the very first book selected by the random generator was Of Mice and Men...very short...105 pages. I see that as the Lord's encouragement...start me out with a nice short book so I don't get discouraged and quit too early. :)

Next up: #9...Tom Jones by Henry Fielding

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Reading List

So, in this post I mentioned reading through this list of Great Novels.

An ambitious goal.

In an effort to, well, not lose the list...and find some accountability, I decided to post the list here...and read away.

1. Remembrance of Things Past Marcel Proust
2. The Brothers Karamozov Fyodor Dostoevsky
3. The Magic Mountain Thomas Mann
4. The Ambassadors Henry James
5. Don Quixote Miguel de Cervantes
6. Moby Dick Herman Melville
7. Absalom, Absalom! Wililam Faulkner
8. War and Peace Leo Tolstoy
9. Tom Jones Henry Fielding
10. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn Mark Twain
11. One Hundred Years of Solitude Gabriel Garcia Marquez
12. The Wings of the Dove Henry James
13. Crime and Punishment Fyodor Dostoevsky
14. Great Expectations Charles Dickens
15. Les Miserables Victor Hugo
16. Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
17. The Idiot Fyodor Dostoevsky
18. The Sun Also Rises Ernest Hemingway
19. The Sleepwalkers Hermann Broch
20. The Trial Franz Kafka
21. Ulysses James Joyce
22. Madame Bovary Gustave Flaubert
23. The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald
24. The Sound and the Fury William Faulkner
25. Middlemarch George Eliot
26. Invisible Man Ralph Ellison
27. The Golden Bowl Henry James
28. The Red and the Black Stendhal
29. The Portrait of a Lady Henry James
30. Anna Karenina Leo Tolstoy
31. Heart of Darkness Joseph Conrad
32. To the Lighthouse Virginia Woolf
33. Vanity Fair William Thackeray
34. Fathers and Sons Ivan Turgenev
35. Pale Fire Vladimir Nabokov
36. The Adventures of Augie March Saul Bellow
37. Bleak House Charles Dickens
38. Atonement Ian McEwan
39. Silas Marner George Eliot
40. The Gambler Fyodor Dostoevsky
41. Le Pere Goriot Honore de Balzac
42. The Grapes of Wrath John Steinbeck
43. The Catcher in the Rye J.D. Salinger
44. Emma Jane Austen
45. Jane Eyre Charlotte Bronte
46. Wuthering Heights Emily Bronte
47. Nostromo Joseph Conrad
48. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Ken Kesey
49. In Cold Blood Truman Capote
50. The American Henry James
51. Oliver Twist Charles Dickens
52. Miss Lonelyhearts Nathanael West
53. The French Lieutenant's Woman John Fowles
54. The Corrections Jonathan Franzen
55. Tristam Shandy Laurence Sterne
56. The Day of the Locust Nathanael West
57. Of Mice and Men John Steinbeck
58. Lord Jim Joseph Conrad
59. 1984 George Orwell
60. The Narrative of Arthur Gordom Pym of Nantucket Edgar Allen Poe
61. Brideshead Revisited Evelyn Waugh
62. The Charterhouse of Parma Stendhal
63. Death Comes for the Archbishop Willa Cather
64. Animal Farm George Orwell
65. The Last of the Mohicans James Fenimore Cooper
66. The Power and the Glory Graham Greene
67. Lucky Jim Kingsley Amis
68. The Big Sleep Raymond Chandler
69. The Lord of the Flies William Golding
70. The Hound of Baskervilles Arthur Conan Doyle
71. On the Road Jack Kerouac
72. Kim Rudyard Kipling
73. Tess of the d'Urbervilles Thomas Hardy
74. A Tale of Two Cities Charles Dickens
75. American Pastoral Philip Roth
76. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress Robert Heinlein
77. Frankenstein Mary Shelley
78. The Fortress of Solitude Jonathan Lethem
79. Riders of the Purple Sage Zane Grey
80. Neuromancer William Gibson
81. Money Martin Amis
82. The Scarlet Letter Nathaniel Hawthorne
83. The Murder of Roger Ackroyd Agatha Christie
84. As I Lay Dying William Fuulkner
85. Daisy Miller Henry James
86. The Return of the Native Thomas Hardy
87. The Black Swan Thomas Mann
88. For Whom the Bell Tolls Ernest Hemingway
89. The Possessed Fyodor Dostoevsky
90. The Death of Ivan Ilych Leo Tolstoy
91. Buddenbrooks Thomas Mann
92. The Kreutzer Sonata Leo Tolstoy
93. Mrs. Dalloway Virginia Woolf
94. David Copperfield Charles Dickens
95. The Spoils of Poynton Henry James
96. A Bend in the River V.S. Naipaul
97. Dune Frank Herbert
98. Jude the Obscure Thomas Hardy
99. Valis Philip K. Dick
100. Gravity's Rainbow Thomas Pynchon

First up--as selected by the Random Integer Generator--is...

...drumroll, please...

#57 - Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.

Hmmm...

Hmmm...I stole this from another blog, but I just closed the window and can't remember where it came from to accurately cite it. Ooops. Sorry.

"What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read, italicize the ones you read for school, bold and italicize the ones you started but didn't finish (or are on the shelf waiting for a free week)."
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield

Ahem...notice, there is only one bold.

Know, also, that the italicized books...yeah, we only read excerpts...just because we read them in school doesn't mean we read the whole thing. And, truth be told, chances are a more accurate description of the italicized books would be "those I was tested on in school, but didn't actually crack the spine of."

I'm a little embarrassed by the looks of my list...especially considering how much I do read. I am however going to start reading my way through this list:

The One Hundred Greatest Novels of All Time

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Ecuador 2006 - Part II

Ever since that first trip to Peru in December of 2003, I have heard about how amazing Ecuador is. Danny once said that if I ever went to Ecuador, the country and I would fall madly in love with each other; and Ava said that if we got to visit “that camp on the mountain” my heart would be forever captured. As I wrote letters, watched the Lord build my support team and prepared for my trip, I was so excited. I was excited about returning to South America, seeing a new ministry and getting to communicate and worship in Spanish. Our team grew to include mostly people I didn’t know. I knew the three Bentleys of course and Danny; I had met Josh and Carrie Anne and Lance, but didn’t really know them. Ben and I had gone to Biloxi on a hurricane relief weekend six months before but hadn’t talked much since then. I was excited to get to know new people, especially in the context of South American missions and I love the way the Lord binds hearts on trips like these.

For a month before the trip, I was stressed. Really, more overwhelmed than stressed. I felt like I had so much to do in very little time with loose ends to tie up at work, along with laundry and packing and just the details of the trip. About ten days before we left, however, I realized that I had been trying desperately to prepare myself for the trip. I had been so busy with work, family and life that I had been missing God. I hadn’t been avoiding Him, but I hadn’t made time for Him either and I definitely hadn’t sought Him or His peace regarding the trip.

When I did intentionally make time for the Lord and to allow Him to prepare my heart, I came to a realization that scared me. I wasn’t excited about the trip. My lack of excitement even made me feel guilty. I always wanted to go to Ecuador, that wasn’t in question. I couldn’t wait to see what the Lord was doing there and how I could be a part of it, but the reality of traveling and going to South America was of no consequence to me. Two days before we left, I sat down with Pam Williams. We talked over what I was thinking and she prayed with me. It made all the difference. The time with Pam didn’t make me excited about the trip, but gave me the freedom to not be excited. She made the point that, maybe, the reason I hadn’t been excited about the trip was because there was nothing new in it for me. I had done the South America thing so many times before and having Ava and Danny on the trip raised my comfort level significantly.

My feelings over the trip were further explained the next night as I re-read some letters from the year before. In April of 2005, Ava and I were adult leaders on the high school spring break trip to Peru. Early in the trip I purchased a journal in which I wrote letters home to a friend. I got the journal back from her the night before Ecuador so I could write to her from Ambato. Before packing the journal, I read over the letters I had written a year earlier. Parts of that journal brought me to tears as I discovered that so many of the God-things that had blown my mind in Peru are now common-place, daily things in my walk with Lord; commonplace in the sense that they are evidence of the maturity in my walk with Jesus and how I’ve grown closer to Him. It was so precious to me to look back and see those things.

I had written to her, also, that I was glad she hadn’t come to Peru with us. Early in the planning of that trip, there had been the possibility of her being a part of that team, but it didn’t work out. I was glad she hadn’t come because she hadn’t traveled much and had never been out of the country. I wanted her to come when she was, in her words, a more seasoned traveler and when flying wasn’t novel for her anymore because I wanted her to see the beauty of the ministry and to see ministry for ministry’s sake and not be distracted by the travel.

Reading that was one of those moments where it seems like the Lord has knocked me in the head to make sure I’ve caught His point. That was precisely where I was with Ecuador. I had come to a point in my traveling experience where Ecuador was about the Lord and ministry and people and not at all about the travel or the flight. I was going and doing ministry for ministry’s sake. It was a beautiful moment to see that progression in my own life.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Ecuador 2006 - Part I

It is a humbling awareness when God calls you to be Jesus in the lives of people in another culture, in another country, on another continent. It is a humbling awareness to be called to be Jesus in anyone’s life, but there is so much more to be aware of when you cross cultural borders. Although there is little newness for me in traveling, even in traveling to South America, I could little have expected what ten days in Ecuador would do to me and through me. In the words of a little boy at a little school in a little town in Ecuador, “Dios es grande,” that is, God is big.

The only place to start this narrative is, well, at the beginning. The difficulty is that I don’t really know where the beginning of this story is for me. It could be the day in, I guess, January, when Danny, our team leader, approached me about the trip and the possibility of me going as a Spanish speaker. Danny was there when the Lord set aside my heart for South America and people of the Spanish language and he knows of my passion for such things. So, I guess, then maybe the story starts in Peru in 2003 when Danny and I both first saw the beauty of South American missions. Or, maybe, back farther to my days as a Bible school student when I heard stories of missionaries in Panama loosing their husbands to Columbian guerillas and my heart desperately wanted to go to the places the wives were not permitted to return to. For me, though, I think the beginning of the story is in my childhood. The first 21 years of my life were spent with two amazing, godly people who loved the Lord passionately and spent countless hours telling me stories of their travels around the world and of sharing Jesus with all they encountered. I was blessed with grandparents whose first priority was ministry and the greatest legacy I have inherited from them is a passion to see Jesus spread around the world.

The beginning of this trip in places outside of my heart lies, then, in January. Danny shared with me that he would be leading this trip and, although the trip was not yet being publicized, he would like me to be praying about going as someone who speaks Spanish and could translate and facilitate the forming of relationships. Danny knows me well. Later at a team meeting, I joked that there are two ways to get me to do something, offer me free food, or tell me I can speak Spanish. My heart’s response to that conversation with Danny was not really to pray about whether or not the Lord wanted me to go, but rather to simply agree to go and ask the Lord to close the door if anything else was His desire. It was a simple choice for me. A week later, Danny said that the Bentleys were praying about going, too. Beautiful. I hadn’t talked to Ava at all about going to Ecuador. That this family wanted to go also was simply further confirmation for me.

My story with the Bentleys goes back to that same Peru trip with Danny in 2003. The short story is that I had been praying for six months for a mentor and Ava had been praying for someone to mentor. We clicked in Peru and have been together now for two and a half years. Through every part of the last two years, all the ugliness and hurt and shame, she stood with me and fought the lies until I could see the truth…and then rejoiced with me when I found it. She has been, in so many ways, what my mom is unable to be. And, because God is ridiculous and amazing, He has not let me leave the US without her since that first trip. So, the prospect of the whole Bentley family going to Ecuador thrilled my heart.

From here, I tell my story of ten days in Ecuador, the weeks leading up to the trip and the days there. My journal was my constant companion, always in my bag, always nearby. I recorded everything. The reality of who I am is that I am not a good thinker. I don’t follow a train of thought very well if the words are confined to my head. I need them on paper. And so, I write. In the same vein, I don’t tell stories well, not verbally. And so, my desire is to share my journal. However, the deep parts of my heart are written there as well; parts of my heart that are not available to the general public. And so, I write this in a more legible and formal fashion, from my journal to words intended to share. And I hope, deeply, that these words convey accurately what are my true feelings about Ecuador and that week and those people. Somewhere in this, too, I hope to find at least a part of what the Lord did in and to me that week.

Ecuador 2006 - Intro

So, two years ago next month, I went to Ecuador for the first time. It was nothing less than life-changing...in ways I'm not sure I could even begin to explain. But...being a big fan of words, I certainly attempted to. I am a journaler, a writer...I love to record things in words, on paper. So, of course, I took my journal to Ecuador with me. :) After the trip, I put myself to the task of making my journal more...ummm...available to the general public. I mean, of course, there are things written in my journal that others don't need to read; stuff between me and Jesus. Actually, now that I think about it, the reason I decided to prepare it more is that...well...it's the story, you can read it in order. I put myself to the task...and, 26 pages later, I completed said task.

And, I feel that this is the time to share it. Several people have read it, but now I'm going to make it available to the general public. So, I'll post a "section" at a time.

Read...enjoy...and I hope you see Jesus in the events of Ecuador 0606. :)

Friday, May 9, 2008

Big News

It's not actually my big news to share...it's Nathan and Tricia's. So, read this post on Nate's blog and continue to pray for them!!!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Slideshow

At the bottom of my blog, I added this: