Bored in Seattle :)

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What a week...

I found out about Ruth Gustafson (see 'In Shock') on Monday as I was getting some last minute stuff together at work so that I could leave for Orlando to attend the memorial service of sweet and beautiful little Ellie.

I don't think I've even begun to really process all of this. Tuesday morning, I watched a mommy and daddy grieve and hurt for the little girl they will never have the opportunity to see or hold again. And they had no choice in the matter. And, I thought of a woman who had every choice...and chose the option that will never allow her children to be held by their own mommy ever again.

Quite the...yeah, I don't even know the word. But it is surely a perversion of the way the Lord intended us to experience life and relationships.

Anyway, I know this news about Ruth would have shocked me at any time. It's mind-boggling. I can't wrap my brain around it. But, I think maybe the reason it is messing me up so badly is the timing with sweet Ellie's service and all that it meant to my heart to be there...which was so, so much more than just celebrating her life.

My life...the direction of my life was profoundly changed by Ellie's amazing grandmother. Jesus has asked so much of Nancy and Nancy has given what Jesus asked (her husband 15 years ago and now her oldest grandchild) with grace and humility and gentleness and all those other things listed in Galatians 5. So, having been so impacted by her and having watched her grieve this sweet, sweet girl...I have very little emotion left for Ruth but anger.

I hope that doesn't sound heartless.

Actually, I don't, really. It's the truth.

And, it's why I'm headed back to Florida tomorrow for her funeral. I know that if I don't go...if I don't take the time to work through whatever I feel about her or toward her, I will hate her for the rest of my life. And I don't want that. I want closure on this now. And, I pray that the Lord will grant me that this weekend.

My heart breaks for the people I know who loved her: Joe and the kids...Pastor and Miss Dana...Becky.

So, after this crazy week of mourning and loss and grief and celebration and rejoicing...

It blesses my heart every day to be able to check in on Nate, Tricia and Gwyneth and see how both beautiful girls are progressing and that the Lord is blessing them all with more and more days together. Continue to pray for them. And, read this post and join them in praying for others who are waiting on transplants.

And pray for me on these journeys this weekend. Really, I'm making two journeys, one of geography of the earth, and one of geography of the heart.

Love you friends!

In shock

I went to a really small Christian high school in Florida. Graduated in 1998 in a class of 14...small. The school is connected to a small Baptist church. Pastor and Mrs. Gustafson started the school 30-something years ago (I think this is the 33rd year) so that their three girls could go to a Christian school.

Pastor (we all called him that...even when he was head-coach of the baseball team, I think they called him 'Pastor' rather than 'Coach.')...anyway, Pastor pastored the church and the school and Miss Dana (his wife) was the school administrator.

Pastor and Miss Dana's youngest daughter, Ruth, graduated a year ahead of me, but because our school was so small, we all knew each other and were friends. Ruth and I played both volleyball and softball together and where in NHS and a few classes together. A couple years (I guess) after she graduated, Ruth married Joe Tyndale, a guy she had graduated with and with whom I was also friends.

Last week, Ruth had her third child and some intense post-partum. I think she and Joe and the kids live in South Carolina. Yesterday, Joe found Ruth out by a lake with a gun...he begged her not to do it...and she shot herself, in front of him.

She's left three kids, a husband, two sisters and 4 or 5 nieces and nephews, not to mention her parents. Pastor and Miss Dana are still running the school/church, but I hear that Pastor has taken this really hard (understandably) and has gone into some sort of shock.

I'm a little shocked and numb myself. I think with going to Ellie's service and all, my brain is setting Ruth aside until I can deal with Ellie. I mean, really? Ruth really was that girl in school. A star on the volleyball and basketball courts, softball field, in the NHS and high school ensemble, Homecoming Queen...I don't remember but probably Senior class President, and she dated the cute guy...her Junior year, the cute guy changed schools for his Senior year so he could go to school with her.

Wow.

On the Road Again...

Sort of...

In 2008, this is the 12th day the store has been open. I've worked 10 of those days...but I've only been in the store for 5 of them. I worked a book table at a conference near the airport for four days, and was at the Mart for 2 days. I stayed at the hotel during the conference since I was working 8am-11pm (straight) each day...we, obviously, came home from the Mart...but I feel like I've been gone. So, even thought I haven't really been on the road, I feel like I have.

And I'm leaving again today.

Remember sweet Ellie? She went to Jesus on December 19th. She lived most of her life in Orlando, but had moved to Montana for a while for treatment. When she first passed, they had a memorial service for her up there. Tomorrow morning is the service in Orlando. A friend and I are leaving this afternoon to be at the service.

Pray for us. It's going to be a rough trip. We're making the same long drive twice in 24 hours...not to mention going to a service celebrating a life cut way too short...well, in our perception it was too short.

The Lawrensons

Hey, friends! Pray for this family...Tricia has had cystic fibrosis all her life. This fall, just as she was beginning therapy for the double-lung transplant she desperately needs, she became pregnant. Right now, the goal is to keep Baby Gwyneth Rose inside until Jan 18th when her chances of survival double...but that puts Tricia's life in further danger. Today they are putting Tricia on a ventilator in the hopes that her lungs will clear out some and she can hang on to Gwyneth for a few more days. Read Nate's Blog for the whole story. And, pray for this family.

Personally, I feel particularly compelled to pray for Nate's dad. (He has a blog, too.) Rick is not only experiencing this as a father, father-in-law and grandfather...he is also Nate and Tricia's pastor which brings with it the aspect of counseling this couple through the most difficult decisions they will ever have to make.