Yah...it's a long one...

Whoa...I think I just had my world blown open a little bit.

Whoa.

I’ve been talking about my past a lot lately, with a couple different people...just sharing. And, when one talks about his or her life, he or she tends to think about his or her life as well. (Now, I know it’s grammatically correct to do all the he/she, his/her stuff...but that takes to long...let’s face it...I’m talking about me.)

I tend to be very competitive. I don’t like to lose. At anything. Even just life challenges...I don’t want to be beat. When I run, as I run that last 1/8th of a mile and I feel like my chest might explode or my legs completely give out, what I am telling myself, sometimes audibly, is “don’t let this 8th beat you...push it out...you can beat this.” Often, in life challenges and hard times, I look at what I’m facing and make the choice to trust God, to find joy and to continue walking. For me, one of Buddy’s most powerful sermons was when he said that faith and fear are the same emotion, we just make the choice.

All of that said, looking back at my life, I wouldn’t change any of it. I’m thankful for it...even the really hard, crappy parts when my life pretty much fell apart. Why? Because I know, I know...beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this is the story God wrote for me. And, if He wrote it, He has a purpose for it. And just recently (like, this past week) I’ve come to realize that, because of this knowledge, I would rather walk through the hard stuff...earn that faith, than have an easier life. Seriously. Because with all of that comes the knowledge that the Lord is using me. That He has chosen me for a situation that can bring Him glory. And that presents a challenge to me...will I choose the faith to bring Him glory, or will I choose the fear that could make someone question the size of my God? I surely don’t want to lose in that competition!

Yeah...this is gonna’ be long...

So, in the midst of all of this self-discovery or whatever you want to call it, I’ve started Beth Moore’s Esther study. No lie, Day 1 of Week 1...mind blown. She makes the comment that the book of Esther begins with the phrase “This is what happened...” Biblically speaking, this is a rather rare statement; it is the equivalent of a biblical “Once upon a time...”

The Hebrew for “this is what happened,” wayhi bime appears five times in the Bible. All five times they lead into a story of catastrophe and doom. (I can’t find a list of the five, but I’m pretty sure Beth is right.)

But...

But, each of those five stories end happily, after much grief. I’m sure Job is one of those five. Everyone knows the terror of his life...but keep in mind the ending. The Lord blessed the second part of Job’s life more than the first. He had children in numbers equal to the ones he lost and livestock double what he’d originally had. But, not until after the hard-fought battle.

Beth wraps up the day’s study with this quote: “When we trust our lives to the hand and pen of an unseen but ever-present God, He will write our lives into His story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read.”

I feel like that’s the life I’ve been living...a lot of it without even realizing it.

That’s certainly the life I want to live.

Good Heavens...this is, literally, just the first day. It’s gonna’ be a good study.