Friday, October 19, 2007

The Barren Woman...Really???

I feel like a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks that have caused me to think, "I should blog that..." but, of course, now that I sit here at the keyboard, I can remember very few of those things.

Let's start with, I broke up with Eric last week. And, I must question the validity of that statement...which leads to two questions:
1. Can one question the validity of one's own statement? And,
2. Do you really break up with someone who isn't your boyfriend?
Ok, three questions:
3. What is the correct terminology for when you tell someone you don't want to date them anymore? (I mean, I guess that is the correct terminology...I'd just like for it to be less wordy.)

Anyway, Eric and I are no longer dating.

I am so, so excited about where I am right now. A couple days after it all went down (really, telling the person who introduced us was way worse than actually doing the deed) a friend from church stopped in the store and here, pretty much, is the run-down of the conversation we had:
Lisa: I was reading Scripture yesterday and I read something that made me think of you.
Me: Really? [See, at this point, I was excited...I love when God does stuff like that.]
Lisa: Yeah...I can't remember the passage...but, you know...it was about the barren woman...
Me: Uhhh...thank you?

I mean, really...what do you say when someone tells you the barren woman reminds her of you??? Unless you actually are barren and need encouragement in that area, what is the appropriate response???

What she said after that, though, had me thinking for a couple of days. She said that even if I never marry and never have physical children, the Lord will give me spiritual children through discipleship and ministry and Ecuador and that there is blessing in being single at my age because I am so free to chase the Lord and to follow without having to consider anyone else. So, I thought about that for a couple of days. And, although the initial conversation was awkward, I am so grateful
for it. Here's where I am now:

I am so, so excited about being single right now. I am so, so excited about where my walk with the Lord is right now. This is the first time, ever, that I my walk isn't in crisis mode...that I don't feel like the tail end of a marathon, just trying to keep up the crowd. My walk right now is a casual stroll in the park...it's the casual get-to-know-each-other dating. I have time right now to do nothing other than get to know Jesus...I'm not pleading for rescue right now. And, I'm excited about being single because it affords me the time and opportunity to do just that...to chase Jesus to find Him, and know Him, and just chill with Jesus.

A couple months ago the thought crossed my mind and a feeling sort of settled that maybe the Lord really doesn't have someone for me. It just sort of settled...like, this is how its going to be. It didn't really upset me...no singleness related depression...just acceptance. Now, though, I'm very ok with that thought...maybe even excited. I don't know. If that's the case, I'm so excited about the time I'll have to
know Jesus better and love people more.

I wish I could remember the other things I was going to write about.

Hmmmm...

2 comments:

Lisa said...

Thanks so much for sharing all that. It really blesses me to see you embrace what God has called you to...maybe for now, maybe for life...but to just see you trust Him is awesome. One thing I know-whatever He plans for any of us is for His glory and our good-Praise Him! I love you my friend!

The Wyatts said...

There is no time in life like the single days....Jesus is so close and He truly is all you need. I am jealous of you a little, that you are so free to follow and chase and stroll along and get to know Jesus. He is pouring in you and He's pouring out of you too :) Love you lots!!